If You Think You Know, You Don't. You'll Know When You Know.

Today is the three year anniversary of this blog. I knew what I needed to learn, but not exactly how to go about the new process. Quality instruction, consistent application, and critical analysis were things I knew I needed to pursue. I've been lacking on the foremost mentioned and leaning more on the analysis. That's a part of me that gets the most exercise, hence the quote on my first post of this blog - which also ties in to the name of this blog.

A head drawn and painted from imagination. The only reference used was a b/w image of a model for lighting. The jaw or chin could stand to be elongated.

My direction was and still is a bit fuzzy, though. I see a lot of concept artists-in-training getting caught up in the glam of finished pieces. Splash art and concept art are two different areas. It took me awhile to let that sink in. I was happy when it did as I seem to think along the same lines of some concept artists. Also, concept art, character sculpting, and character texturing are three different disciplines. I've been basically studying for all three. They seem to be merging a bit based on industry trends I've been picking up on, but if I focused just on one I wonder how much further along I'd be. I have to believe that all my studies are informing each other. Is that naive? If a person is "naive" long enough does this persistence wind up proving the naysayers wrong? As if I give a crap about a naysayer (whom I define as people whose talent isn't at a level I admire/respect. If it is, I'm all ears).

I felt like I wanted to spend a bit of time on a piece. This is my second study of this model and was rendered with one brush, no smudging. I want to vary my brush textures, but I need to make sure I'm able to simulate different materials with any brush I have. Getting back on the theme of 'then and now', when I compare this to my Daniela Cosio portrait (and especially my Liu Wen portrait) this came out much better and faster. In the time I spent rendering the Daniela Cosio portrait I could've done maybe 5 of these. 5x as fast and at higher quality is pretty good. Nailing planes and values faster is something I need to work on.

What have I been doing this all for? For some reason I never took up the challenge of making a character sheet. I felt like I needed to learn more about anatomy. There are some things here that are a bit off (lats taper too much at the bottom). Also, this amount of shading isn't necessary for the model sheet, I think. I could've spent that time doing an actual texture to the model. I have dozens of pant and shirt designs and a few sneaker and gauntlet designs for the character. I was too systematic in their creation. I need to remember to loosen up.

I followed a series of Youtube tutorials on modeling a character and came up with this. His body was a bit shorter than I liked (I think 7 heads) so I lengthened it a bit. I've yet to study in depth the planes of the face so some things are off, but I really wanted to dive into modeling. My plan was to rig it and use it as reference for poses, but holy crap did I run into problems when rigging it. Seriously, dude. Also, my learning source ties into seeking out quality instruction. I picked up some useful tips, but there were some things I could toss. Current character workflows involve sculpting, then retopologizing. The instructor did most of the detail in the modeling software (3DS Max).

I feel a bit more confident on what to learn and who to learn from. I made a Pinterest as another place to store reference and subscribed to different architecture, fashion, and science/tech blogs on FB (which I only opened for professional purposes). A fear of mine was losing my fluidity of taste to the rigid structure of study. I'm not in this to be an academic. I still feel like I'm one of few people that holds a big secret regarding concept design. Do people know that the heavy lifting has already been done? All you have to do is translate your taste to the language of your desired audience and wa-la! I know I spelled that wrong, but anarchy reigns in the Land of Onomatopoeia.

These were from a Digital Tutors tutorial on modeling a low-poly game character. I was able to practice decent topology and wanted to learn to say more with less. Working within limitations (a poly count) forces creativity, unlike the model I created with the Youtube instruction. I could've topologized the head better, but I did my own thing because I didn't like what the instructor initially had. He made adjustments later and I tried to implement them in my own model. 

This is the character with accessories. I'm ignoring the fact that this character seems as typical as they come. This is for practice. Also, I want to learn this "classic" workflow before diving into something more current. My plan is to follow the unwrapping and texturing tutorial, then use what I learned to redo the original character I modeled.

Not too shabby for three years of part-time study. There were some serious growing pains, but they had more to do with my learning process. Next summer is my deadline for an industry-compliant portfolio. But man, am I a character concept artist or a character artist? The latter it seems since I have zero concepts up. Ah, in due time. I'm currently doing hard brush color studies of paintings before starting the next phase of the barbarian (or whatever he is) model. I also have my eyes on AnatomyNext's upcoming book on facial anatomy. Material studies are also on the to-do list. I have my eye on Dongjun Lou's tutorials, but am anticipating Marco Nelor's online class.

Going to squeeze in some more color studies before playing a little more Xenogears. I swear Krelians lab is grindy AF. If you're going to make me grind, at least vary the scenery. Probably too much to expect from an almost 20 yr old RPG, though.

Random Battles

Definitely a part of the battle system of the Life RPG (which I'm currently playing through). The stronger you become, the quicker they're done. That usually means it's time to move to a new area since leveling up requires increasingly higher amounts of XP. And since the XP you receive from an enemy type in a given area is capped, you'll save time on leveling up by taking on a greater challenge since they're likely to reward you more XP per enemy defeated. I feel ready to do just that.

I dipped my toes back into value studying. The water was cold. I did the study/test practice on two of them (do a study, then paint again from memory). 

A few color studies. The two on the left were from photos and the two on the right were from Kerry Dunn paintings. 

Painting from imagination. I did the memory test from two earlier studies and made the others up. I'm still a ways off, but I'm getting there. I found two digital painting courses I'd like to purchase that adapt traditional methods for the digital realm, which the internet has sorely needed for years.

This was a study done from a J. Larriva painting. I messed around with painting spheres to try to match the colors on the reference before diving into the painting. I saw that Kerry Dunn does something similar so I decided to incorporate it. I've refined that new practice a bit since painting this.

Before I exit this area I really need to up my inventory and restore my HP. I've been taxed by a form of self-sabotage I thought vanquished. It's annoying when a "new" enemy type emerges that's just one you've already faced, but with a different paint job.

We Used to Be Infinite.

Flying is what happens when Flapping and Falling are happily seesawing. Don't do either too much. Being flap-happy will drain you of energy. And then comes the fall. The longer it lasts the harder you'll have to flap to recover. Gravity has a compounding effect. The lower you go the greater the escape velocity (a pseudoscientific view. Calm down. It's a blog for christ sakes.).

A study of Juliana Paes. I was happy with how fast I was able to lay down the lines. Most of them in 20 min. And another 10-20 min. refining. I could've spent a little more time observing to get a complete likeness, but capturing likeness is no longer a major aim in my studies (though I still can't help but try). I didn't start this journey to copy. Copying isn't creative. To test my memory and visual bank I painted her again a day later with only my memory for reference. I went too dark on the darks. I have to remember to limit value range. 

I've somewhat recovered from a recent one and just learned how to glide. It was quite the shock, but not shocking. Not like breathing. How much of a shock is that? You go from the womb one minute to taking this thing called a breath. It's forced on you. It takes you. So invasive, foreign, and intangible. You can't even fight it. We probably cried because we had no choice in the matter. Filling your body, then exiting. Repeatedly stealing something from you. Oxygen is a corrosive, after all.

Mostly doodles. A few quick studies while going through my backlog of Elle magazines. Why the hell can't I subscribe to foreign versions of magazines? I've seen some amazing work posted on blogs. The ones available for subscription were about $150/yr. Multiply that by 20 countries. Then multiply that by at least 10 different magazines. There has to be a digital solution somewhere.

I don't like how ignorant I am when it comes to drawing cloth/clothing. I've started to focus on that, too. Killing two birds with one stone by looking at fashion for inspiration and drawing interesting cloth folds as I go. Flapping and falling ... Nah, I just tried to throw that in there but it doesn't make sense.

Experimentation for an antagonist in my main IP. The middle two heads furthest to the right are what I'm leaning towards. There's a lazy, targeted look to the larger one. I haven't nailed it, but will keep experimenting. I found a picture of a male online who has the skull/jaw structure that resembles what I have in mind. Grayed out text relating to the character I don't want to make public yet.

The basic movements; all the things a baby has to learn over the next few years. If forced to learn them all at once they'd suffocate from the mental overload. Maybe that's why we take deep breaths when we're stressed. Or when we meditate. It takes us back to our first breath. Our earliest memory of infinity. How long did it take a baby to take its first breath? Its entire life? Then half its life to exhale? 

More heads done from imagination. John Grello used a term called 'Same Face' on one of his blog posts. I see sameness in mine. I toyed with different shapes, but I need to understand the anatomy more - proportions of different bony protrusions, fat pockets (which there is hardly any info on), eye and socket shapes ...

A few more heads and some eyes. I broke the noses into different shapes/sections and tried to view them abstractly. By thinking 'nose' I'll draw my mind's default version of a nose. I tried to do it with the eyes, too.

When did our perception of time and change begin? I'm guessing the first time we heard our own heartbeat (do we eventually hear our own heartbeats while in utero? I may google it, but would ruin the the exercise curiosity gives my brain if I do it too soon). It was predictable. Constant. Not sure if our senses were even online yet so how did we perceive it? Hm. One minute to a three-minute old baby is the same as 10 yrs to a 30 yr old. Before there was a second thing to compare ourselves to, what were we. What did we experience ... We used to be infinite.

The last page I left off. I still have a few more issues of Elle to go through. I saw an ad for Kit and Ace with a woman wearing a pair of sweatpants that made me wish I had a gf to buy them for. I'm going to use them for a character in my 'fighting game' IP.

Being human feels weird sometimes. Having to breathe. Having to eat. A body that's slowly dissolving. Failing us just a little more everyday. The things we do to block out one of the only thoughts that makes any sense - that this ride ends and we have no idea what, if anything happens afterwards (It's probably the only one we really need to appreciate whatever 'good' we experience.).  What's really going on? Hmm. It's fun to ponder. And amusing to be amused.

(And once again I forgot that I had a tea bag soaking in a mug of then-hot, but now-probably-not water. I'm trying to think of ginger tea with lemon and stevia as dessert after dinner so I'm not tempted to snack late. Thinking of breakfast as dessert helps, too. You have to go to sleep to get it.) 

August

I don't like to make promises or say, "I promise". It creates an extreme obligation and I'd beat myself up over it not being fulfilled - no matter how reasonable the explanation. I think that comes from knowing how it feels to be disappointed. One of my earliest memories of disappointment was on a birthday I had as a kid. Sometime between first and fourth grade. I thought your birthday was when all of your friends came over and brought you gifts, sang 'Happy Birthday' to you and ate cake and ice cream (the Oxford comma can suck it). I thought you did that every year. One year it didn't happen and I didn't realize it wasn't going to until darkness began to fall. I remember it being nighttime that day. No sunlight. I was in the living room having it explained that they couldn't afford it that year. I got a card and a belt with the California Raisins on it. There may have been a candle on a cupcake or something, but maybe I'm just making that up or it's been dimmed by disappointment. 

                          On a birthday before or after that one (probably before) I invited all of my friends over without checking with my mom or stepfather. I got in trouble and was sent to my room. Later, when they called me downstairs all of my friends were at the kitchen table around a lit cake and started singing 'Happy Birthday'. My eyes watered and Dwayne shouted that I was crying. No, I wasn't! (Dwayne is also the dumbass who found a butcher knife in the bushes and threw it my way. It went just past the side of my head.)

(Please pardon the quality of the photos. My phone sucks.) I took it back to the sketchbook. I gave my computer a break after experiencing some slowdown. The pages are larger than my Wacom Bamboo so drawing was more comfortable. Just studies and doodles. 

    I think this was the same birthday that Anwar gave me a list of baseball players as a present. I think I was told to thank him for it and remember we were outside. I think he was a little embarrassed by it (?). I know how that feels. I got in trouble as an early teen for not saying 'happy birthday' to my mother one year. I was embarrassed because I had no gift for her. Anwar was enthusiastic about baseball. I didn't like the sport, but his energy kept me interested. No matter how shitty you think what you have to give is, if it comes from a deep, authentic part of you then the right people/person will appreciate it.
 

The similar looking faces were from a study, then from memory (covering the source image and part of the page where the study was drawn).

I wonder if my mother and stepfather felt embarrassed about the belt. With it being a belt I probably got beat with it in the future. Those gifts stand out a lot. I still don't like birthdays that much and think birthday cards are superficial. We outsource our feelings to writers of cards. But I'm empathetic enough to appreciate the intent behind it. As I mature, I'm finding it a little easier not to be a complete asshole. A little ... easier. 
 

Would you believe I was supposed to be focusing on cloth folds and wrinkles in this round of studying?

So where does that leave me now. Some time back, as a child and adolescent I visualized a certain type of life for myself. So much that I implicitly promised myself that I'd reach it. And I haven't. And it's been killing me. There are parts of me that need to die and I've been slaying them. But is it that part, too? That needs to go? That expects a different gift? Should I beat it with the California Raisin belt for having "unrealistic expectations"? Or keep working on the list of baseball players? 
 

I like to fill up the entire page so this is incomplete. More cloth, though.

 I don't know the answer. I just know the answer I've always had.

Writing My Wrongs

(During the day) There is a prize for hitting the bull's-eye, but if every archer aims at the same target then your chances of success are reduced - as well as your sense of accomplishment since you haven't broken any new ground. You don't have to necessarily aim higher, just somewhere else. Once you release that arrow though, the whizzing and piercing sound and the resulting scatter will attract attention. Being a competent archer capable of hitting whatever you set your sights on is important. Hit it before the competition does.
        Hmm. You know what's more impressive than hitting a bull's-eye? Being able to hit any part of the target you want. Instead of adding yours to the steady barrage of arrows speeding towards that red dot, aim yours at one of the outer rings and shoot a circle of arrows around them; or the shape of the letter of your first name; or paint the stem of your arrow a bright color so everyone knows what you've done. You can be better by being different.

(And before bed)  What am I aiming at? What am I shooting for (and for)? Am I using the right bow? How taut is my bowstring? Did I just run out of arrows?

       I remember taking archery in 6th grade. Only because I broke an important rule (not purposely, absentmindedly). I walked to my target (to collect my arrows?), which was aligned horizontally with the others. The other students were still shooting when I had done this. My teacher was pissed, but in a concerned way (if that makes sense). He yelled at me and asked if I were stupid or an idiot or something. I started crying. I remember him hugging me, but from a distant, third-person view - like I was another student watching from about 30 ft. How characteristically detached of me (or maybe the visualization serves to preserve the emotion since I can't actually remember how it felt).

      Right now I feel like the teacher is yelling, but I can't understand what he's saying - only that something is wrong. So I freeze. Not knowing what to do next.

(The next day)  I've been writing more, lately - world maps, thoughts on A.S.I. (Artificial SuperIntelligence and no, I didn't think Ex Machina was all that exceptional) and consciousness, pros and cons of character traits of characters for one of my IPs (about freaking time). It feels good to free up space in my brain. It's about time I let the paper carry some of this weight.

      I've been in 'No Go Mode' the past week and a half. I think it might be time for me to make another move. Washington state is my current top pick. Moving back home was ok, at first - spending less on rent, closer to family - but getting too close to the past can reinstall/reinforce old thought patterns and I've been successfully ridding myself of those over the past few years. The past is a sore loser. If I plan on winning then I'll have to cut it from the team. I'll check my finances come spring and revisit relocation.

Before, between and after studies I'll doodle for a bit. It helps me discover weak spots and in loosening up.

These were lighting studies done from a photo. Same pose, different lighting angles.

I love this one for some reason. I think it's the expression. I used the same line work for each drawing and painted on a layer or two below. BGs were separate, also.

 

This was part of a 6-study series of the same person. I could've bumped up the highlights. I spent a little more time on each piece as I completed the set. This was number five.

This was number 6. I kind of overworked it and could definitely use some edge variation. I like how the flesh tones started turning out. I still need to practice nailing them sooner, though.

Here, I did a rhythm traceover first. Next, I did a value study in A1 then did B1 from memory to test myself. The same was done for A2 and B2.

Mistakes are Questions You Haven't Found Answers To

That's how I feel when I struggle with color studies. The mistakes I make come from a lack of understanding (and experience/mileage). Every stroke is a 'why' - Why doesn't my color choice match what I see? Why is this part so saturated/desaturated?- or a 'what' - What the kind of gradient is that? And my personal favorite, What the hell is the tensor fasciae latae and iliotibial band doing?

  At this point you might direct my attention to something I may have heard of - it's called a 'search engine'? And you'd be only partially correct, especially if I were to find the answer I was looking for instantaneously (rarely happens). "... questioning is an incredibly important engine for cognitive development" and since I consider myself more a designer than an artist, mulling over these conundrums (for just a little bit!) is good exercise. This works better for more open-ended questions, though (character development, story arcs).

Friday was my last day at my job. I definitely needed to change my work environment. Being micromanaged and redirected multiple times per hour in an environment constantly blasting music takes a toll on an introvert. These past 15 months were a pretty good exercise in stoicism and I've learned a bit more about my 'self' (mostly that it's always changing, which is good). My life philosophy is maturing and learning the difference between tactics/planning vs. strategy was one of many mini - epiphanies (that tickled) I've had the past few months. Currently, "I seek to produce a map rather than a set of directions. Directions are succinct and useful until you get lost or need to change your plans. Maps allow for optimization and the freedom to choose your destination, but they require navigational skills." I am currently leveling mine up.

More Croquis Cafe gestures. I think they operate out of Philly. I need to find out if they do live classes since I'm not too far away.

Explorations in color. These were done from two Jane Radstrom pieces. One recent device I've employed is to not call the colors the names we were taught, but figure out what real world object they resemble most and call them THAT. Raspberries, peaches, dimly lit yellow Renaissance painting grapes, strawberry milk - not too many things. This helps balance out exertion when painting. Trying to juggle technical terms this early in my learning with matching colors in my reference images burns me out a little. This technique isn't a substitute for learning the terms as I believe it's important to be able to communicate with more established/professional artists/teachers/art directors and to also deepen my understanding of the concepts. Just another way to add more playfulness to an otherwise intense process.

Sherbert ice cream. See? It kinda works, right? A still from Nightcrawler. The reflective light from the computer screen was a little hard to render. I don't recall the source of that greenish light from the left. May have been from outside. Same with the warmth under the chin and neck. That could be the one rule where the shadow color is the complement to the light source. Or may be coming from another light source in the room - a bulb from above?

He looks a lot more dignified here than in the actual scene. Here is where I kinda saw some peachiness in the transition from the lit side of his face (left) and the darker side (right) - around the forehead and right cheek. This and the one above were a little hard to nail down. One thing I must remember to do is simplify my values in the beginning.

Take a Break, But Don't Break It

Began April by taking a break from Athlean-X. Between that, OT at work, 67 Steps, reading and studying I'd probably falter somewhere. Learned that lesson already. Took the advice of reading five books at once (Tai and James Altucher). Finished Sam Walton's, but still going through The Self-Aware Universe, The Armchair Economist, Writing Subtext and All the Light We Cannot See. Cracked open Color and Light and The Happiness Hypothesis a few days ago. I feel like Dale in Stepbrothers during that bathroom scene with the other dude's wife (Something's happening!). This entry is a little less poetic/metaphorical, but I've been saving the juicy stuff for a character I'm currently developing.

Stephanie Liu from Lookbook. I've been trying to get better at seeing color and being just a little more bold when it came to color choices (in the hair, at least). I had the source image on a plasma screen (TV as second monitor) so the contrast and color were more vibrant than my work screen (LG Flatron 23" LCD).

This was the first study I did of her. Values in the legs, arm and face seem really different. They were in the photo, but here idk. Maybe I should do simpler studies so I can focus more on color/speed.

This was another study of a J. Larriva painting. I like the colors he uses. I go back and forth between doing studies from his work and from photos. I guess less with color with his and then try to take what I've seen and use it when doing photo studies.

This was done from a photo of kxtbonifaco. Certain burgundies and greens or yellows that I saw. There was some coolness in the photo that I couldn't really capture.